


I'm Still the Magicest!

by MrVacan



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Even More Silliness Than Before, Gen, [Rebellion Spoilers]
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-12 13:43:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11163045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrVacan/pseuds/MrVacan
Summary: 5 years later, being Mr. Vacan is still suffering.





	1. Are You Junko Kaname?

**I'm Still the Magicest!**

**Chapter 1: Are You Junko Kaname?**

Mr. Vacan woke up.

"Yawwwwn... what a long plane ride," he thought to himself. He knew that the plane ride would take a while, and that was why he brought his Game Boy. Unfortunately, he couldn't get the batteries through airport security, and he couldn't play his favorite game during the flight.

But that didn't matter now that he was in Japan. He left as soon as his new employer had sent him the tickets, and he was excited to start his new job... He had no idea what he was going to be doing, but he brought his favorite toothpaste just in case.

But soon, Mr. Vacan ran into his first problem.

"Are you Junko Kaname?" he asked the first person he met.

"Sir, I'm a pilot, and I'm a man," he replied. "Junko isn't a man's name."

Mr. Vacan panicked. He was supposed to meet Junko Kaname to discuss his new job, but she was nowhere to be found, and he had no idea how she looked.

"JUNKO KANAMEEEE! WHERE ARE YOU?" Mr. Vacan yelled at the top of his lungs.

"I'M OVER HEREEEEE!" yelled a voice in the women's bathroom.

"OH! THANK GOODNESS I FOUND YOUUUU!" Mr. Vacan yelled back.

Junko and Mr. Vacan kept yelling to each other from across the airport, and Mr. Vacan found out that Junko was hiring a stranger from overseas to babysit her children while she and her husband were going to a business trip that would last a long time.

"A BUSINESS TRIP?" Mr. Vacan yelled. "I HAVE SOMETHING THAT MIGHT HELP!" He took out some cards from his briefcase and tied them with a rubber band. He chucked the deck of cards into the distance, and Junko caught them when they arrived in the bathroom.

They were his most valuable cards, but it seemed like this woman he had only just met today needed them even more than he.

"THANK YOU!" Junko yelled. "I HAVE TO CATCH MY PLANE SOON, SO GOODBYE FOR NOW."

"GOODBYE!" Mr. Vacan yelled back. He was very excited to get to work, but all the yelling made his throat sore.

"HELLO CAN I GET SOME THROAT LOZENGES?!" He yelled to the airport's shopkeeper.

"Why was I even born?" thought the shopkeeper, while crying uncontrollably.


	2. We're Coming Mami!

**Chapter 2: We're Coming Mami!**

Mr. Vacan was on his way to the Kaname house. Junko had told him all about her children, Madoka and Tatsuya. She told him about their names, favorite foods and shoe sizes, and possibly some other unimportant facts that Mr. Vacan didn't listen to.

Unfortunately, Mr. Vacan was getting hungry; he was asleep while the flight attendants were giving out meals, and the throat lozenges were too small to be satisfying, although they did soothe his throat adequately.

But he remembered. "I still have a stick of gum in my briefcase! I just have to open it to get the gum from inside."

So Mr. Vacan put the briefcase down to unclip it, but as soon as it touched the ground, the strong winds blew it off of the bridge Mr. Vacan was walking along, and it fell into the lake below.

"Oh no!" Mr. Vacan wailed. "I had pictures of Dr. Welderman in there!"

There was only one way to save the briefcase and its contents from sinking to the bottom of the lake. Mr. Vacan got ready to jump into the lake, he didn't have time to flex his jumping muscles.

"NOOOO DON'T JUMP YOU NINNY!" cried out a woman's voice.

But it was too late. Mr. Vacan leapt off the bridge. Strangely, he didn't feel any wetness, or hear a splash.

It turned out someone had grabbed his ankles just as he was about to plummet!

"I told you not to jump!" said the same voice. It belonged to a woman with a soft face and hair like blond curly fries; she was struggling to hold Mr. Vacan's weight as he dangled.

Mr. Vacan couldn't turn his head to see the girl holding him. "Who the fuck are you?" he asked.

The blond girl continued to strain herself. "I'm... in terrible pain! Girls, I need your help!"

"We're coming Mami!"

Two girls arrived to help their friend Mami, a girl with blue hair, and a girl with long red hair who was eating fried dough on a stick.

"Kyoko, grab my ankles! Sayaka, grab Kyoko's ankles!" Mami called out, and the girls followed her instructions. With the combined strength of all three of them, Mr. Vacan was safely pulled back to the bridge.

"My briefcase!..." Mr. Vacan lamented. "I wish I had a new briefcase..."

Mami dusted herself off before attending to Mr. Vacan. "Tell me sir, were you experiencing any strange bouts of stupidity or numbskullery before we showed up?"

But Mr. Vacan shook his head. "You fools! I had some very important documents in that briefcase... and some gum I never got to eat."

Kyoko threw a stick of gum from her pocket in Mr. Vacan's mouth while he was talking. "There you go. Happy now?"

"What kind of important documents, dawg?" asked Sayaka.

"I wrote down some notes I needed to take care of Junko Kaname's children, Tatsuya and Madoka," explained Mr. Vacan, while chewing on Kyoko's gum.

That was very surprising to the three girls.

"Tatsuya?!" Mami shouted while holding her hands to her face. "I know him! That's Madoka's little brother! Come on, I can take you to his house!"

Mami then took Mr. Vacan's hand and dragged him off to the suburbs.

Meanwhile, Mr. Vacan's suitcase sank to the bottom of the lake.

Some water began to seep inside, soaking his documents, his stick of raspberry-flavor gum, his Game Boy with no batteries, and his pictures of Dr. Welderman.

Once Mami led Mr. Vacan to the front steps of the Kaname house, she took off at breakneck speed, like she was doing a ding-dong-ditch without ringing the doorbell.

Mr. Vacan knocked on the door, and a little boy came in to answer it.

"Mither Vanac!" he mumbled.

Mr. Vacan was confused. It was like the boy was trying to say his name, but "Mither Vanac" sounded nothing like "Mr. Vacan". He assumed it was just a Japanese greeting he never read about.

"And Mither Vanac to you too, Madoka," he replied. "So where is your little brother Tatsuya?"


	3. What A Strange Dream...

**Chapter 3: What A Strange Dream...**

The little boy pointed to himself. "Tatsuya!"

Mr. Vacan nodded. "Yes, I'm asking you, where is Tatsuya?"

The boy rolled his eyes, and took Mr. Vacan's hand, dragging him inside the house. He led Mr. Vacan into the bedroom upstairs.

"Me, Tatsuya!" he pointed to himself. Then he pointed to a girl sleeping on the bed. "She, Madoka!" Then he pointed to Mr. Vacan. "You, Mither Vanac!"

Mr. Vacan rubbed his eyes in astonishment. So this was Madoka, the girl that Junko Kaname talked about. He knew that Madoka would be very hungry after waking up, so he went down to the kitchen with Tatsuya.

"Okay, I'm going to make Madoka the best breakfast ever!" he proclaimed. "You, little boy, fetch me some ice! A lot of ice! Enough ice to make the world's biggest pina colada!"

Tatsuya scratched his head. They didn't have any ice in the freezer, so he had to go out and fetch some, which he did.

Meanwhile, Mr. Vacan rifled through the fridge, looking for the ingredients to his specialty dish.

Luckily, Junko Kaname was prepared for any meal, and the fridge had everything Mr. Vacan needed for his secret recipe.

"Ohhhh, Madoka! I made you breakfast!" he called out once he was finished cooking.

But Madoka was still asleep. She snored loudly while a bubble formed from her nose. A white cat thingy came into her room and smacked the bubble with his paw, making it pop. Madoka woke up from hearing her nose bubble pop and she saw that the cat had woken her up.

"What a strange dream..." she thought. "Why did you wake me up, Kyubey?"

Kyubey just smiled, his face made a cute :3 expression. He swished his long, fluffy tail when Mr. Vacan came into the room.

"Good morning, sleepy-head! I made you bacon and eggs for breakfast... or as I like to call it, Vacan and eggs! You see, my name's Mr. Vacan, and I thought it would be a good pun to make."

Madoka wasn't impressed by this stranger, but she did enjoy the Vacan and eggs.

"Oh no!" she cried as she finished the last egg. "I'm going to be late for school!"

She quickly got dressed and ran off with the egg still hanging from her mouth.

"Sorry about Madoka, she's very scatterbrained when it comes to these things," said Kyubey.

"Whoaaaa!" Mr. Vacan jumped back in surprise. "How did you talk without moving your mouth?"

"I dunno, lol." The haloes around Kyubey's ears glowed as he walked back and forth. "I'm Kyubey. I watch over Madoka and the other magical girls."

Mr. Vacan was intrigued. "Can boys become magical girls?"

Kyubey had to think about it, so he took out a pipe and blew bubbles with it. "You know, I don't know. I will go to my boss and find out for you. See you later!"

And Kyubey ran off.

Mr. Vacan was very puzzled. Junko Kaname never mentioned that Madoka was a magical girl. Would that make it harder to babysit her? He needed to find out.

So he made his way to Madoka's school to keep an eye on her.


	4. Not This Time, Madoka

**Chapter 4: Not This Time, Madoka**

Madoka managed to catch up with Sayaka, Mami, and Kyoko as they walked to school together.

"So Hitomi called me again, dudes," Sayaka explained, "and she's going on about Kyosuke again. Seriously, dawg, it's Kyosuke this and Kyosuke that. Is she in love with him or something?"

"Well, he is pretty handsome," posited Madoka.

"Tch," Kyoko scoffed, while eating a pizza slice. "What's so handsome about boys? They don't have any interesting body parts-"

But when they saw Kyosuke walking by, also on his way to school, Kyoko stopped talking and her jaw dropped, making the pizza slice land on the ground.

Kyosuke Kamijou was the most handsome boy in the town; indeed, he was so handsome, he made everyone stare as he walked in slow motion while "True" by Spandau Ballet played in the background.

"He plays the violin too," noted Madoka.

Mami had to poke the other girls to get them to focus on walking again. "Let's not waste any time, girls. We're getting a new teacher and a new student in our class today."

And so they kept walking, and Kyoko remembered to pick up her pizza.

The girls barely made it to their classroom before the bell rung, and in walked a man who looked to be about 70 years old, more or less. His skin was wrinkly and his head was balding, but he had beady eyes and a smile that made some students laugh.

"I'm Michael Rosen," he announced in a posh British accent. "I was born on the 7th of May, I remember very well that awful day."

The whole class clapped and cheered.

"Your old teacher, Kazuko Saotome, got into a rather nasty accident. She got attacked by a wild skyfoogle. What's a skyfoogle, you ask? I don't rightly know!"

After he finished rambling, a girl with braided black hair and glasses walked into the classroom.

"Here is our new student, class. Introduce yourself, poppet," Michael gestured.

The glasses girl shuffled nervously and mumbled something quietly.

"Sorry, didn't catch that," Michael said. He sat down on his chair and put his feet on the teacher's desk.

"H-H-H-H-H-H-Homura." The girl stammered, her face blushing and sweating. "H-H-Homura A-A-Akemi..."

"Very good." Michael nodded. "Now take your seat, next to that pink-haired girl."

Madoka pointed to herself. "Are you talking about me?" She was in fact the only girl in the class with pink hair. Once Homura took her seat, Madoka leaned over to whisper to her.

"There was a really weird guy in my house this morning. He called himself Mr. Bacon."

Suddenly, Mami's cellphone received a message, the notification sound was really loud, but Michael had already fallen asleep reading the class roll. Mami looked at the message and gasped.

"Girls," she said to Madoka, Sayaka and Kyoko, "looks like we have another mission. You know what to do, Kyoko!"

Kyoko nodded, and pulled a jawbreaker out of her pocket. When she threw it on the ground, it exploded and created a smoke screen that covered the entire classroom, making the studenta cough. Once the smoke cleared, the girls were gone, and Homura had vanished too. It was like they were ninjas in training.

When they all gathered at the school's roof top, a doll-like creature appeared from inside Mami's backpack. It tried to speak, but only Mami could hear it.

"What's that, Bebe? It's another nightmare just a few blocks ahead?" Mami hugged the doll, making it squeak. "Thank you Bebe! Now, let's suit up!"

So Mami, Madoka, Sayaka, and Kyoko tapped their magical girl rings, and begun their transformation sequence. This time, they were going to race to see who transformed the fastest.

"I won!" Madoka shouted in triumph, her school uniform changed into a frilly pink and white dress.

"Not this time, Madoka."

She looked to see that Homura had tagged along while they were escaping, and she too was wearing a magical girl outfit.

"HOMURA?!" Madoka wiggled in surprise. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AND WHEN DID YOU GET CHANGED?"

But Mami wagged her finger. "Don't worry about it. I actually met Homura before she came to our school. She's a magical girl too, and she can help us defeat the nightmare!"

Kyoko bit into a whole coconut. "Let's do this thang."

Sayaka twirled her sword. "You said it, broseph."

All five girls jumped across the rooftops of the city, following Bebe's directions as she floated by Mami's shoulder. After ten minutes of jumping, they found he source of the nightmare. It was coming from Hitomi's house; she was in bed after she caught a fever from drinking from the "lucky fountain" in the park.

"Looks like that lucky fountain wasn't so lucky for her," noted Kyoko.

"If we don't defeat the nightmare, it will consume Hitomi's soul," Madoka explained to Homura.

"And...?" Homura asked.

"We like Hitomi I guess," Sayaka answered.

"Who's Hitomi?" asked Homura, tilting her head curiously.

"She goes to our school too," explained Mami. "But since she's not a magical girl-"

"-or a handsome boy-" added Madoka.

"-nobody pays much attention to her. She's the girl with green hair. Anyway, let's get battling!"

Bebe threw a crosshair at the nightmare floating over Hitomi's house, which stuck to its body and allowed the girls to lock on to it. The girls all used their attacks. Sayaka slashed with her sword, Madoka fired arrows made of light, Mami tied the nightmare up with ribbons, and Kyoko blinded it with hot sauce.

It was easy fighting the nightmare with five girls, and one Bebe, against one nightmare.

"Now!" Mami called out to Homura. "it's time for the final blow!"

Homura almost tripped on her own shoelaces, but she used her powers of time to make the nightmare age by 1000 years, turning it into dust.

Bebe took the dust and mixed it in a blender, along with some milk, honey, peanuts, fish scales, golf balls, and ancient ice cream.

"Okay!" Mami started clapping her hands. "Now for the Cake Song!"

Madoka, Sayaka, and Kyoko cleared their throats, and Madoka began to play the guitar.

_"Let's gather round the cake and sing our cake song,_

_Our C-A-K-E-C-A-K-E-S-O-N-G song,_

_And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong,_

_But it'll help if you just sing along..."_

_"Bum-buum-buuuuum..."_ (Kyoko echoed into Homura's ear.)

_"C-A-K-E-C-A-K-E-S-O-N-G song! C-A-K-E-C-A-K-E-S-O-N-G song!_

_And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong,_

_But it'll help if you just sing along..._

_C-A-K-E-C-A-K-E-S-O-N-G song!_ **Homura!** "

 _"Song! C-A-K-E-C-A-K-E!-"_ (Homura struggled to keep up.)

" **Bebe!** ...Good!" (Bebe couldn't sing.)

_"It'll help, it'll heeeeelp,_

_If you just sing aloooong! OH YEAH!"_

The blender exploded and formed a big fluffy cake which looked very delicious, and Bebe transformed into a big black caterpillar with a scary clown face, swallowing the entire cake in one bite.

And just like that, the nightmare was defeated, and Bebe turned back into a doll. The girls and Bebe took a bow.

From the window, they could see that Hitomi was sleeping peacefully now, so the girls went out for a round of frosty chocolate milkshakes to celebrate.

At the milkshake parlor, the girls ran into Mr. Vacan, who was there drinking coffee with his slice of tiramisu.

Mr. Vacan waved to the girls. "Hello Madoka, I didn't know you were friends with the other girls with wacky hair colors!"

Madoka giggled nervously. "Mr. Bacon? What a co-inky-dink! We were just getting some milkshakes to celebrate."

Mr. Vacan squinted like Fry from Futurama. "Wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be at school? I was going to follow you there, but I got tired and rested here."

Mami sweated profusely. She didn't want Mr. Vacan to find out about magical girls. Homura was staring at the clock on the wall, Sayaka was eyeing the boy at the cash register, and Kyoko started to eat Mr. Vacan's tiramisu. "Well, you see..."

Mr. Vacan nodded. "Oh, that explains everything! Carry on, then."

So the girls proceeded to buy their milkshakes. But Mr. Vacan grabbed Madoka's sleeve and summoned the courage to ask her something very important.

"Madoka," he announced with bloodshot eyes, "how did you train Kyubey to talk?"

Madoka had never heard Kyubey talk before. "Whaaaaaaaaa-?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Now's Our Chance!**

After school ended for the day, Kyubey and Michael Rosen were sitting at a table in the fanciest restaurant they could afford.

Michael Rosen was very rich, due to robbing banks with his sister from the age of 7.

Kyubey was looking at the menu upside down. "I think I'll order the _EGAMORF UD ETTELEMO EXULED._ "

The snooty waiter huffed at Kyubey's feeble attempt to pronounce in a French accent. "Non, non, monsieur, we do not serve zat at le Burger King, a-hon-hon-hon."

Kyubey used his ear tentacle to lay a strangle upon the waiter, and put on a mask with a :c face to show he meant business.

"You'll make it and you'll enjoy making it. Capiche?!"

The waiter ran off, sobbing. Michael didn't care and decided to order the best dessert they had.

"I think I'll get a bag of plums."

But of course, the waiter was long gone.

Kyubey stirred his martini glass and went on. "So Mike, I got a boy asking me if boys can become magical, like magical girls. Would you care to weigh in on this issue?"

Michael scratched his chin, not to help him think, but because it was covered in cookie crumbs and getting very itchy.

"Well, the way I see it, is that you'd need to test your little theory."

Kyubey was surprised at Michael's suggestion. "So we should find a boy to make into a magical boy?"

Michael Rosen nodded in affirmation, and his wrinkly skin flapped like the wings of a bird as he did so. Kyubey wondered why his skin was so wrinkly even for a man of his age; maybe he had to give Michael some more Botox pills… but Botox pills took 3-6 months to arrive, and Kyubey could be dead by then.

So Kyubey decided, the next boy to come inside the Burger King would be the one.

And just for his luck, the next boy to walk into the restaurant was… Kyosuke?! Wasn't he busy with something important like getting bitches? Violinists like Kyosuke always got bitches.

But Kyubey didn't mind, the :3 on his face said it all.

Kyubey poked Michael with his plush lobster. "Now's our chance! Persuade das handsome boy to make el contrato with us!"

So Michael dashed at light-speed to stand a mere inch from Kyosuke, who was wearing his finest kimono to this Burger King. The violinist boy snorted arrogantly, as if the almighty Michael Rosen wasn't worth his time, but Michael tried to calm the boy down with a mighty punch to the gut, slamming his fist into the boy's handsome tummy.

Kyosuke wailed. "Why would you do thaaaaaaat?!" Kyubey facepalmed at his sidekick's faux pas, while the waiter watched from the back kitchen, giggling.

Michael span around in panic. "Blimey, I messed up, didn't I? What would Harrybo say if he saw me like this?!" As Kyosuke was writhing in agony, the words **FINISH HIM** appeared in flashing text.

Kyubey couldn't believe how much of a snafu this simple mission had become. He had to use the cloth on their table as a giant sack, wrapping Kyosuke inside, and carrying him back to their base of operations.

"Monsieur, your meal, sir." The waiter had managed to get Kyubey's order done. They didn't have any dragon eggs to make it with, so they used ostrich eggs instead.

But it was getting cold, so the waiter threw it out.

Meanwhile, Madoka and the girls went to Mami's house to relax and watch old movies after finishing their homework.

"How did you get the homework if we left school early?" wondered Madoka.

Homura laughed sheepishly, much to the surprise of the sheep grazing in Mami's living room.

"Well, I stopped time, rushed to the school, took the homework sheets from Mr. Rosen's desk, and rushed back here."

"Wowwww," Sayaka's eyes bulged while being amazed, "magic is like, anything in the world, dudes."

Mami came in, carrying a stack of video cassettes that were tall enough to reach the roof. She walked carefully as the tower of tapes teetered, making sure they didn't fall on her sheep.

"Okay," she announced, "what do you wanna watch first? _The Little Mermaid, The Little Mermaid 2: Return of the Mermaid, The Little Mermaid 3: The Lost City of Mermaids, The Little Mermaid 4: Man vs. Mermaid, The Little Mermaid 5: Super Mermaids from Outer Space, The Little Mermaid 6: The Fast and the Mermaid, The Little Mermaid 7: The Origins of the Mermaids, The Little Mermaid 8: Married to the Mermaid, The Little Mermaid 9: Mermalectric Boogaloo, or The Little Mermaid 10: Too Many Mermaids?_ "

"Do you have anything by Gordon Ramsay?" asked Kyoko, while munching a turnip.

"It's the year 20XX," Mami retorted. "Gordon Ramsay wasn't even born yet."

Madoka pondered. "Well, I like-"

"Okay, The Little Mermaid 1 it is! Thanks, Madoka!" Mami put down the stack of tapes, and found the one she wanted. She put it in the VCR, but all that played wss static.

"Looks like someone didn't rewind the tape after playing it," Mami grumbled, while the sheep started shifting its eyes nervously. "Probably Bebe."

"Too bad so sad," Kyoko said while shrugging. "Looks like we'll have to watch that zombie movie now."

Kyoko dug through the stash of videos, and put in the one she wanted.

"Alright _, Attack of the Zombie Mermaids_!" Kyoko jumped on the couch with a bucket of popcorn, candy corn, kettle corn, creamed corn, corn on the cob, corned beef, and unicorn horns.

So the other girls all sat down and watched. They booed whenever the villain played by Adam Sandler appeared.

Once the movie ended, Madoka yawned. "It's getting late. I'd better go home and get some rest."

"But it's only 5 PM." Mami pointed out. "Don't you want to stay for milk and cookies?"

Madoka's eyebrows twitched. "Did you say cookies and milk?"

"No, milk and cookies."

"Never mind then," Madoka replied as she skipped out into the street.

"I'd better go too, homeslices," Sayaka continued. "It's almost time to give Kyosuke his daily exfoliation."

"So that's how he stays so handsome..." Kyoko thought.

"Looks like it's just us three then," said Mami to Homura and Kyoko. "You two stay here while I get the milk ready."

She gestured to the sheep while carrying a bucket and stool. "Come along, Baa-bra Streisand."

While Mami was distracted, Homura suddenly talked.

"Kyoko Sakura, now that we're alone, there's something I need to tell you."

"Sorry Homura, I'm flattered, but I'm already married." Kyoko replied. "Married to this delicious pie!"

She took out an apple pie and started kissing it. "Mmm, apples."

But Homura shook her head. "No, it's not that. I've been noticing some weird things going on lately, and I was planning to investigate."

"Weird things?" Kyoko asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Remember how Mami was saying something about Gordon Ramsay not existing? But somehow you knew about him."

Kyoko's mouth hung open, and the food she was chewing fell out.

Homura continued. "So I need you, Kyoko. I need you to..."

Kyoko was shaking in suspense. "What is it?!"

"I need you to give me Mr. Vacan's phone number," Homura explained.

Speaking of Mr. Vacan, he was busy reading Madoka a bedtime story once she got home.

"So Goldilocks lied on the third bed, and it was just right. She stuck four wheels on the bed, and it turned into a race car. Then she drove to the moon and lived happily ever after. The End."

Madoka had fallen asleep now, so Mr. Vacan went on to tend to Junko Kaname's flower garden.

"Kyubey, pass me my trowel. This is gonna be a big one."

But Kyubey was nowhere to be found.


	6. Homura, Are You Okay?

**Chapter 6: Homura, Are You Okay?**

Michael woke Kyosuke up by booping his nose.

"Rise and shine, sleepy-bones. We can't have you dilly-dallying!"

Kyosuke woke up, and he tried to move, but he was tied to a chair, with Christmas tree lights that twinkled and played Jingle Bells.

Michael pulled a silly face. "Now what would you like for breakfast, son?"

"Let me go! Let me go!" Kyosuke shouted while flailing in his chair. "I need to pee!"

Micheal looked in the cupboards. "Sorry, we don't have any of those. How about some raisin bran... or as I like to call it, Rosen bran?"

Kyubey swatted Michael with his tail. "No, Mike. That's not how it works around here. It's raisin bran. **RAISIN**."

Kyosuke looked intrigued. "Raisin bran? Gimme gimme!"

Michael got the box of raisin bran from the pantry, and inspected it. "Hmm, looks a little stale..."

"Doesn't matter. Gimme raisin bran plz!" Kyosuke trashed about while still tied to the chair.

"Open wide," said Michael, and Kyosuke lifted his head and opened his mouth. Then Michael poured the whole box of raisin bran into his mouth.

"Thankf," mumbled Kyosuke while bran spilled from his mouth. "Where'f the milk?"

Michael looked in the fridge. "No milk, is Pepsi okay?" Before Kyosuke could answer, Michael poured a bottle of Crystal Pepsi™ into Kyosuke's mouth.

Kyosuke burped, and he started shuffling again. "I shouldn't have drank so much Pepsi. Now I need to pee even more!"

Kyubey dragged Michael out of the kitchen. "Dude, give him some privacy."

So they left Kyosuke alone. But once they did...

**_BZZZZZZT!_ **

When the Christmas tree lights got wet, they short circuited, releasing an extremely high voltage shock that zapped Kyosuke.

"I'm okay!" he said, while his face was covered in soot and his hair was all spiky like a hedgehog.

"Guess we should have unplugged the Christmas lights..." thought Kyubey.

Madoka walked to school with Sayaka and Hitomi, who was feeling better after her nightmare had been defeated.

"So, peeps," Sayaka started talking, "I was going to Kyosuke's house, but it wasn't him there. It was a teddy bear with a Kyosuke wig! So I had to exfoliate the teddy bear that evening."

Hitomi almost had a heart attack. "Kyosuke nooooooo! What if he slipped on a banana peel and broke his handsome skull hitting the ground? Or he was holding a magnimafying glass up to look at the sun and he got burned to a crisp? Or what if a crazy old man and his cat friend kidnapped him and fed him stale Rosen bran and Crystal Pepsi while he was tied up with Christmas lights?"

It was odd, Madoka thought. Kyosuke went missing, and Kyubey hadn't woken her up this morning either. Luckily for her, Mr. Vacan bought her a new alarm clock.

Hitomi kept ranting about Kyosuke, but Sayaka shoved some breadsticks in her mouth.

"Dude, you wanna keep it down? If dopes be hearing about Kyosuke in danger, everyone will go into a huge panic, and start rioting! Then fire will rain from the sky and nobody will pick up their candy wrappers!"

So Madoka, Sayaka and Hitomi walked silently to their classroom.

When they got to their desks, Michael Rosen wasn't there. He only appeared after the morning bell rang and it was almost time for first period.

He walked in the room, and suddenly, "The Imperial March" started playing.

But the music was just coming from Sayaka's phone, "The Imperial March" was her ringtone.

"Yello, dudemeister," Sayaka said, answering her phone, "...Mami?! Stop calling me in class! We can talk about tube socks after school, okay? Peace out." She ended the call.

Michael wasn't happy about Sayaka using her phone in class. "You there," he shouted, "if I see you use that phone once more, I shall give it to the ducks!"

The class was murmuring; they didn't know what ducks Michael was talking about.

"I don't know WHAT ducks, John. ANY ducks! Right! Anyway, I reckon some of you might be wondering about where that dodgy duffer Kyosuke is."

The classmates were starting to panic when they realized Kyosuke hadn't been seen all day.

"I didn't see Kyosuke this morning!"

"What if something happens to him?!"

"I'd start rioting if that happened!"

"Let's not listen."

Michael starting calling the roll, even though nobody was listening to him. Then Kyubey came in the room, disguised as a postman by wearing a hat and a mustache. He brought in a trolley holding a crate with holes.

"It's no good, Mike," Kyubey whispered. "He's too clever. I couldn't get him to accept my contract. Guess we'll have to try something else."

Kyubey showed him a flashback of when he tried to talk to Kyosuke.

"Please please please please please," Kyubey pleaded. "I'll be your best friend~"

"You got any more raisin bran?" Kyosuke asked.

Kyubey did a disappointed :3. "Sorry, that was the only box of raisin bran left in all of Japan, and you ate it all."

"Then forget it," Kyosuke rebutted.

The flashback ended, and Michael smiled. He liked flashbacks.

"So what did you do with the boy?" he asked.

"Right here," Kyubey responded, and he pulled out a crowbar. With the crowbar, he started whacking the crate, until it smashed open to reveal Kyosuke inside. He was still in his kimono, and he had the spiky hair from when he got electrocuted.

"What day is it today?" asked Kyosuke.

"Great galloping goats!" Sayaka said to Madoka, "Kyosuke really needs that exfoliation now!"

The class all breathed a collective sigh of relief when they saw that Kyosuke was alive.

"Now, class," Michael announced, "it's time to read My Friend Hans from Holland, then after that we'll make windmills out of little pieces of paper."

10 hours later, Madoka and all of her friends were walking back to Mami's place again, since Bebe hadn't spotted any nightmares today.

"You'll never believe it," Mami said. "Baa-bra Streisand followed me to school, and she ended up in my desk! Everyone in the class sang 'Mami Had a Little Lamb' and it was very hurtful. Even the teacher was singing it!" She wiped her tears with a French silk hanky. "I had to get Kyoko to take her home."

"She's in a good home now," said Kyoko, while eating a lamb chop. "Buuurp! ...Pardon me. By the way, why were you in Madoka's class yesterday? You're not in her grade."

Mami chuckled like Knuckles. "Well... I heard Madoka's class was getting a new teacher, I wanted to see if he was funny. And he was!"

"Well, our day was pretty boring actually," Madoka enthused. "Right, Homura?"

But Homura didn't reply. She was so busy thinking, she hadn't said anything all day.

"Homura, are you okay?" Madoka asked. "Homura? Homura?"

Homura was distracted, but shook her head. "Wha? Sorry, Madoka, I was just thinking."

"About Kyosuke?" Sayaka wondered. "Don't worry, he's okay now."

"It's not that," Homura answered. "I've just been noticing some weird things happening lately. For example, did that postman who came into the class remind you of Kyubey?"

Madoka thought about it. "Well, I thought so too, but Kyubey don't have a postman hat or a fake mustache like the postman did. But speaking of Kyubey, have any of you ever heard him talk?"

The girls all laughed at Madoka. "That's ridiculous, Madoka," Mami teased. "In fact, I've never even seen Kyubey's mouth move. He always has that cute :3 face."

"Then why did Mr. Bacon say that Kyubey talked to him?" Madoka asked.

But nobody was able to provide a satisfying answer.

"Mr. Vacan?!" Homura gasped. "I just remembered. I left my glasses at home. I need to go get them!" Then she ran off.

That seemed pretty weird to Madoka and the others, but they had no idea what it was like to need glasses.

Back at the Kaname house, Mr. Vacan was going through Madoka's diary, looking to see if there were any clues about magical girls in there.

However, he didn't find anything interesting in there, or anything at all. Madoka's diary was completely blank, except for one page where she drew herself in the corner, smoking a big cigar and wearing a top hat.

The doorbell rung, and Mr. Vacan immediately yelped. He threw Madoka's diary away and rushed down to the front door.

"Oh, it's just one of Madoka's friends," he said while opening the door.

"Mr. Vacan," said Homura, "I need to ask you something. Don't worry, I'm not asking you to marry me."

"Is it about steel-cut oats?" Mr. Vacan asked.

"...No." Homura replied, to which Mr. Vacan did a sad face. She took him by the hand, and led him outside. "Come with me to the train station, I have a few theories to test."


	7. Something is Definitely Not Right

**Chapter 7: Something is Definitely Not Right**

While Homura was observing the train schedule, Mr. Vacan was trying to throw playing cards into a hat. It wasn't his hat or his cards, but he saw it in a movie once and wanted to try it.

Homura tried to get Mr. Vacan's vacattention. "When I saw you in the milkshake parlor, a memory was dredged from deep within my subconscious, like someone taking a penny out of a wishing fountain. It reminded me of a time like this maybe 5 years ago, yet I was still the same age."

Mr. Vacan stared blankly. "Did I do that to your memory?"

Homura nodded, and started tossing some cards into the hat. "I can tell you're not from around here. Is this your first time living in Japan?"

Mr. Vacan tried to think... he wasn't thinking about Japan, he was thinking of the best way to throw his next card.

"You know... I think I have been here before, but my mind is fuzzy. That's what happens when you watch a lot of anime and cartoons."

Homura kept playing the card game with Mr. Vacan. "When my long-lost memories came back, I saw you, wearing a dress and helping Madoka and the other magical girls fight monsters. There was one who was the strongest of all, called Walpurgisnacht-"

"Gesundheit," Mr. Vacan interjected.

"-and we needed your help to defeat it. Does any of that ring a bell?"

"Yes!" Mr. Vacan expressed.

But he was only saying that because he got the card perfectly in the hat. "Sorry Homura, I wasn't listening. Could you repeat that?"

So she did. And Mr. Vacan thought it over.

"Well, I wouldn't mind wearing a dress if I got to fight monsters, but it doesn't seem familiar. You know, fuzzy mind."

Homura paced back and forth. "Well, then I have another theory to test. Come, let's take the train to Little Italy."

"There's a Little Italy now?" Mr. Vacan asked. Homura bought two tickets and they boarded the next train.

The strange thing was that Mr. Vacan and Homura were the only passengers on the train, and once it started moving, the view out the windows changed. It looked like something out of Mario Kart's Rainbow Road when they looked out.

"Why isn't anyone else going to Little Italy?" Mr. Vacan asked, but Homura didn't answer. She was busy taking notes about what she saw.

After about 15 minutes, the train stopped, and things went back to normal outside.

"Alright," said Mr. Vacan excitedly as he jumped out of the seat, "Time to have me some linguini and meatballs!"

But when they got off the train, they were back where they started. Mr. Vacan and Homura were confused, perplexed, and flummoxed. They didn't fall asleep on the train, so how did they miss the stop to Little Italy?

"I guess we'll have to walk there," suggested Mr. Vacan.

Homura groaned. She was on her last pair of shoes, and walking a lot would wear them out. But it looked like there was no other option, since she didn't know how to ride a bike.

So she and Mr. Vacan walked the streets for hours, until the sun began to set. According to a signpost, Little Italy was only 1 km away. They saw the tunnel leading to the next town, but when Mr. Vacan ran into it, something odd happened.

He crashed into the tunnel, like it was painted on a wall.

"Just like in the cartoons," Mr. Vacan said before he fell over.

Homura decided to check out the tunnel for herself. and it was true, it was like the tunnel was protected by an unbreakable forcefield. They were trapped in Mitakihara.

Homura was starting to put the pieces together now.

"Something is definitely not right," thought Homura. She took off her glasses and stepped on them, shattering them into pieces. Then she undid her braids, and flipped her hair.

And Homura flipping her hair seemed to unlock more of Mr. Vacan's hidden memories. "Homura! I remember more now. When I was younger, I watched a lot of anime about magical girls, and I thought it would be cool if there were more magical boys. But there still aren't a lot."

Homura did a shushing gesture. "We can't let anyone know about this, or whoever is causing this will find out. So keep everything we saw a secret, to everyone."

"Even Madoka?" Mr. Vacan asked.

"Especially Madoka," Homura replied. "Now let's go home."


	8. I Guess This is It

**Chapter 8: I Guess This is It**

The next day was Saturday, so there was no school.

Madoka slept late, and Mr. Vacan thought it best to let her get some rest. If what Homura said was true, then Madoka really was a magical girl, and he must have been a magical boy too, a long time ago. But he must have lost that power some time back, or he would have used his magic to clean the house even faster. Maybe Kyubey would know something about this.

"Kyubey, get your tail down here," shouted Mr. Vacan. Madoka started to stir about in her bed.

"Whoops!" Mr. Vacan went up to Madoka's room and put ear plugs in her ears to keep her from hearing him yell out for Kyubey.

But Kyubey was out playing chess with his new best friend, Michael Rosen.

"We couldn't get Kyosuke to become a magical boy," he admitted. "What should we do now?"

Michael moved his horsey piece. "How about we go to the London Airport? We could find a chap as promising as my son there!"

Kyubey shook his head, but still kept a :3 on his face. "No, we don't have time for that. Besides, I hate London. They have a school of wizards and witches there, that use fake magic! Not the real kind of magic that actual magical girls use."

Michael kept playing his pieces, even though it wasn't his turn. "How about we go on a bear hunt? We're not scared."

Kyubey was puzzled. "What does that have to do with magical boys?"

Then Michael stuffed some pawns in his mouth and made them hang like tusks. "Look, I'm a walrus!"

"Have you lost your marbles, old man?" Kyubey asked.

"Nope!" Michael said, and he showed Kyubey a sack full of little round marbles. He pulled out one of the marbles, but it was really a tiny plum, which he ate. He smacked his lips in satisfaction. "Noice!"

Kyubey facepalmed again. "What am I going to tell Mr. Vacan? He was counting on me."

"Mr. Vacan?" Michael suddenly remembered. "I remember you telling me about him. Didn't you make a contract with him 5 years ago?"

Kyubey gave Michael a strange :3 look. "That doesn't sound right. Have you been reading crazy fanfiction again?"

Michael pulled out an old View-Master stereoscope and put a reel of slides in the slot. He clicked through the reel until he found the picture he was looking for. "See, there's you and there's him."

Kyubey looked into the View-Master and sure enough, it was a picture of him taking a selfie with Mr. Vacan, who was wearing a green magical boy dress. The picture even glittered like it had been edited in Blingee.

"How odd," mused Kyubey. "I'll have to tell Mr. Vacan about this... after I look at the rest of the pictures." Kyubey kept going through the reel of pictures. "Ha ha, good times."

Later that day, the girls went to Mami's house once again to relax and hang out. Why did they always hang out at Mami's house? Because she was rich and had a lot of nice things. Sayaka and Kyoko were playing Sonic the Hedgehog on Mami's Xbox One, while Madoka and Homura watched. Mami and Bebe were keeping an eye out for nightmares, as well as trying to find out where Baa-bra had went. She hadn't been around since Kyoko took her home.

Mami and Bebe came back from there patrol. "There was a teeny tiny nightmare, but me and Bebe handled it ourselves. Nightmares sure are easy to beat, hmm?"

Sayaka and Kyoko were too busy playing to respond, but Homura nodded in agreement.

"Wwere you saying something Mami?" Madoka asked, and she realized she had ear plugs in her ears. She pulled them out and flicked them away.

Mami noticed Homura wasn't wearng her braids or glasses anymore. "Say Homura, you look different from yesterday. Did you lose weight?"

But Homura flipped her hair, and changed the subject. "I was wondering something, Mami Tomoe. How long have you known Bebe for?"

Bebe knew, but couldn't say the answer, so she mimed it out and Mami translated for her. "Bebe said we met a long time ago, when dinosaurs ruled the earth. I was a very lonely girl back then, because I was too small for the dinosaurs to notice. Bebe was lonely too, like a doll without a doll-a-rama. So when we met, we quickly became good friends. I'm so glad I have Bebe to call my best friend."

Madoka pouted. She thought that she was Mami's number one friend.

"It's okay Madoka," Mami said, patting Madoka's head. "I value all of my friends, especially now that the dinosaurs have all gone extinct. Now excuse me, I have to wash my hand after I patted you."

Once Mami went to the bathroom, Homura made her move. She changed into her magical outfit, and used her powers to stop time. The other girls went completely still, even Kyoko when she threw her controller at the TV in frustration. The controller just hung in the air. When Homura grabbed Bebe's head, it unfreezed her and she started to struggle against Homura's grasp.

"Alright, Bebe," Homura snarled, "I know it's you who is responsible. Why did you put us in the witch's barrier?"

Bebe tilted her head and a big question mark appeared above it, but Homura popped the question mark with a hair pin.

"Don't play dumb with me, witch. I remember now, I remember how we fought you before. Mami, Sayaka, Madoka, and myself. Oh, and Mr. Vacan and Kyubey, but they weren't helpful. If I had a phone, I would have taken pictures of that, but I don't have one."

But Bebe wiggled out of Homura's grasp, and floated out of the window. Homura chased after her, jumping out of the same window. Since Bebe could float and move quickly, it was difficult for Homura to find her, and she didn't have enough energy to do another time-stop.

"Bebe, come out," Homura said in a sing-song voice, "I have a big yummy cake waiting for you~ And it's gluten-free~"

Bebe responded, jumping out of the dumpster she was hiding inside.

"Haha, I tricked you! There was no cake!" Homura was ready to club Bebe with an umbrella. "Time to say goodbye, witch!"

But suddenly, she tripped and fell on her face. She noticed there was a ribbon snagged around her ankle.

A yellow ribbon, just like the ones Mami uses.

Homura got up, and flipped the dust out of her hair. "Mami, come out, I have a cup of tea waiting for you, it's chamomile~"

Mami appeared behind Homura, carrying her own cup of tea. "Nice try, Homura, but I always have my own tea. A proper lady never leaves her home without her tea-making kit." She took a sip. "Mmm, chamomile."

Bebe floated over to Mami while Homura was caught off-guard.

Mami shook her head in disappointment. "Homura, I know Bebe looks like a pinata, but you can't go beating her up to get the candy inside. Believe me, I tried it once."

But Homura retorted, "Mami, I can't believe you've fallen for Bebe's trick. Don't you remember how she transformed and bit your head off, then stabbed your bosom with ice cream cones?"

"Hee hee, you said bosom," Mami giggled. "But if that were true, I wouldn't be alive now, would I?

Homura's eyelid twitched. "Just another one of her tricks. I guess I have no choice but to beat the brainwashing out of you!" She pulled out a revolver from her sleeve, and said the obligatory one-liner.

"It's high fucking noon."

Homura fired wildly all around her like Yosemite Sam, and Mami had to kick Bebe out of there like a football to keep her safe. Since Mami didn't have any shield or other ways of defending herself, she decided to block the bullets with her own bullets. She brought out a rifle and shot all of Homura's bullets, causing a perfectly symmetrical collision that destroyed all the bullets. Homura threw her revolver away and wielded a gatling gun. It fired a rapid stream of bullets, and Mami had to roll out of the way to avoid the gunfire. She hid behind a car that belonged to somebody, and Homura kept shooting the car until it blew up in a fiery explosion. Now that it was in pieces, Mami used one of the car's door as a shield, waiting for Homura to run out of ammo.

But even when she did, Homura just pulled out a bazooka, and it only needed one shot to shatter the car door shield.

"This is ridiculous," Mami grumbled. She had to do something really unorthodox, like the time she drank custard from a shoe when she couldn't find any cups. When Homura launched the next missile, Mami ran up to it, and deflected it with a nice big kick, sending it back to Homura. It went back into the bazooka's barrel, causing it to explode.

Homura had gone through all of her best weapons, and all she had left was a puny water pistol. She began to sweat.

"I guess this is it," Homura said, while flipping her sweaty hair. She pointed the water pistol to her head, like she was going to shoot herself.

"Homura nooo!" Mami wailed. "You'll get an ear infection!" She noticed that Homura's ankle was still caught on her ribbon, so she pulled on the ribbon, trying to trip Homura up.

But that was exactly what Homura was counting on. Her water pistol was full of milk with extra calcium, and she fired it into her mouth, instantly strengthening her magical girl bones for a few seconds. When Mami tugged at the ribbon, it couldn't stand up to Homura's superior bones, and the ribbon snapped. Without the ribbon connecting them, Homura was free to time-stop Mami.

Once Mami stopped moving, Homura aimed the milk pistol at Mami's ear, and fired. When it hit her, she exploded into a pile of ribbons.

Homura was confused; girls weren't made of ribbons. But when the ribbons flew out like snakes, and tied her up in a bow, she realized that Mami tricked her.

The real Mami stepped out of the shadows, and laughed while Homura was immobilized by the ribbons. She picked her up and tied her to a lamp post.

"Why don't you just hang around here for a while?" Mami joked. The studio audience booed at her lame pun.

"You're making a big mistake, Mami," Homura said as she hung like a puppet. "Bebe is a witch, and she's planning to kill you when you least expect it!"

Mami huffed. "What the dickens is a witch? Don't you mean a wraith? We magical girls fight wraiths, remember?"

Homura shook her head. "No, we fight nightmares."

"Then why did you call Bebe a witch?"

"Because she is one."

"Then who are the wraiths?"

"Don't ask me, you brought them up."

Mami was getting dizzy. They were just talking in circles and making no sense. Was Homura on drugs or something? Or maybe it was her. Mami decided to go easy on the chamomile tea from now on. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Okay, let's get this straight-" Mami began, but when she opened her eyes, Homura was missing.


	9. Mr. Vacan, How Could You Betray Me?

**Chapter 9: Mr. Vacan, How Could You Betray Me?**

While the battle between Homura and Mami was going on, Mr. Vacan was at the Kaname house, dusting off all the shelves, and trying to remember how he activated his magical boy powers.

"I wonder what kind of powers I had," he thought to himself. "Maybe I could shoot lasers, or fireballs, or even mashed potatoes! I could eat as much mashed potato as I wanted!"

"Psst, Mr. Vacan," whispered a voice. It came from an air vent.

"Who's there?" Mr. Vacan gasped. "If you're looking for Madoka, she's not here. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep~"

"It's me, Kyubey. I'm in the air vent." Kyubey whispered.

"What are you doing in the air vent?" Mr. Vacan asked.

"I just needed to vent," Kyubey replied, and Micheal Rosen did a rim-shot on his drums from offscreen. Mr. Vacan crawled over to the air vent and indeed, he saw Kyubey's :3 face behind the grating.

"Kyubey, I need to find out more about magical boys," he inquired.

Kyubey interrupted. "Hang on, I want to tell you more about magical boys first."

Mr. Vacan was listening, so Kyubey got his cue cards and started reading from them.

"For as long as me and my people have existed, we have made contracts with magical girls. However, there was one boy who wondered if the same could be done with boys. To my surprise, it worked. He was the first magical boy in our history. And that boy..."

Kyubey paused, doing his :3.

"...was you, Mr. Vacan."

"Whaaaaaat?!" Mr. Vacan's eyes bulged in surprise. "...wait, I knew that. Homura reminded me about that."

Kyubey's tail shivered. "Methinks Homura is getting too smart for her own good. Listen to me, Mr. Vacan... If Homura says or does anything threatening to you or her friends, you have to fight and destroy her."

Mr. Vacan sadfaced. "But Homura's nice. She played cards in the hat with me." But Kyubey just shook his :3-faced head.

"You must. It is for the greater good."

Mr. Vacan did a sassy pose. "Greater good? I'm yo' wife! I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get! ...Sorry, that was just a reference. But even if I wanted to fight her, I don't remember how to transform into a magical boy."

Kyubey wagged his tail, and his ear haloes glowed. "I'll take care of that." Suddenly, a pouch on his back opened, and out came a ring with a green jewel on it. Kyubey gave it to Mr. Vacan, and he put it on.

And at once, Mr. Vacan remembered how to use his magic.

As for Homura, she was all tied up and completely at Mami's mercy, until she was suddenly abducted and taken to a safe alley.

It turned out to be Sayaka! With her sword, she slashed the ribbons that bound Homura.

"Sayaka, why did you do that? Mami and I were having a very important conversation." Homura emerged from her ribbon cocoon, and she had grown tiny butterfly wings on her back. They weren't strong enough to fly, and she couldn't reach her back to pull them off, so she ignored them.

Sayaka planted her sword on the ground and leaned on it. "Don't you think you're making a big mistake, amigo? If Bebe wanted to kill Mami, she would have done it by now. They're always together, those two, even when Mami takes a bath. Weird, huh?"

Homura flipped her hair in defiance. "I know what I'm doing, and- wait, how do you know Mami and Bebe take baths together?"

A giant sweatdrop appeared on Sayaka's head. "...Don't ask." She pulled the sweatdrop off her head and slurped it up. "Mmm, blueberry. Anyway, just because Bebe is a witch, that doesn't mean that she created a fake world to trap us in."

"You remember witches?" Homura asked. "Mami didn't remember witches... or my birthday, which was yesterday. Thanks for the gift, by the way."

"Of course I remember, bro," Sayaka answered. "Magical girls fight witches, and get bitches. But if the witch isn't hurting anyone, then what's the problem? I think you're just trying to cause trouble. Most uncool, funky girl."

Sayaka's behavior was quite suspicious, Homura had to admit. It was almost too obvious what was going on.

"Just as I had really been suspecting all along! You're the witch that's keeping us in this world! I'm sorry, but you must die."

Homura tried to stop time, but the duel disk on her arm had used all of its time powers while fighting Mami, and needed an hour to recharge. But she remembered she still had the pistol with milk in it. Homura had to be careful; she could get milk in Sayaka's eyes to distract her, but if she drank the milk, her bones would get stronger, and Homura had no way of dealing with a magical girl with super-strong bones.

It was a risky play, but so were a lot of things.

Homura took aim, and fired a squirt of milk at Sayaka's face.

It didn't hit her eyes.

Or her mouth.

In fact, something had blocked the milk from hitting Sayaka entirely.

"I think you're about to have a **brush** with death!" Mr. Vacan had arrived in the nick of time, wearing a dress worthy of a magical boy.

"I don't get it," said Sayaka, and Homura nodded in agreement.

Mr. Vacan stuck out his tongue. "Whoops, silly me." He revealed his weapons, a pair of golden toothbrushes that he wielded like katanas.

"Ohhh, now I get it."

"Mr. Vacan, how could you betray me?" Homura asked. "I took you to Little Italy!"

"That never happened," Mr. Vacan replied. "Remember? The train was broken. But I have to protect my friends, even if the ones hurting them are also my friends!"

"But what if one of your friends is also a witch?" Homura asked.

"Then that's a conundrum I'd rather not think about." Mr. Vacan said, while a sweatdrop appeared on his head. Sayaka pulled it off and slurped it, but she made a sour face. "Eww, hand soap flavor."

"Are you telling the **tooth**?" Homura tried to make a pun, and Mr. Vacan and Sayaka weren't impressed.

"I'm the one who's supposed to make tooth puns!" exclaimed Mr. Vacan. He lunged forth, and hit Homura's gun hand, making her drop the milk pistol. He tried to keep attacking, but Homura blocked with her duel disk. It was made of magical titanium, and easily resisted the solid gold toothbrushes.

"It's no good!" Mr. Vacan realized. "I need more EXP points to raise my level. Sayaka, let's retreat!"

Sayaka pulled off her cape, and wrapped it around herself and Mr. Vacan. When Homura tore the cape into shreds, they were gone, like Sayaka had done a really cool magic trick.

"Aww, man!" Homura snapped her finger. She couldn't defeat any of her opponents. But maybe Sayaka was right. Were they better off in this witch's world? Even if none of the trains worked and the town didn't lead anywhere else?

She wasn't sure, but she did know that she missed Madoka. She started to cry.

When the first tear drop touched the ground, it grew massively in size, quickly flooding Mitakihara. Homura panicked, the water was rising, and she was behind on her swimming lessons. It was almost up to her neck when a mattress floated by. She didn't have time to question the logic of a cottony mattress floating on water, so she climbed on as the water kept rising. The mattress began to drift in the flood's current.

This was definitely something that could only happen in a witch realm, Homura thought.

But, she remembered, Mami talking about wraiths seemed familiar. After she, Madoka, and Mr. Vacan defeated Walpurgisnacht, all the witches vanished, and it released an anomaly that threatened to unbind the fabric of reality. She remembered Madoka had to beg Kyubey for another wish after she wasted the first one on a plate of nachos.

What was Madoka's second wish? Homura knocked on her head like a ripe coconut, trying to stimulate her memories.

"Homura!"

A voice called out from the skies. It was Madoka being carried by Kyubey, who was flying by spinning his tail like a helicopter.

"Madoka? How did you find me?"

Madoka jumped off of Kyubey, and he flew away.

"A magical girl always knows." Madoka winked while she said that, but she was surprised when Homura hugged her so tightly, it was crushing her diaphragm.

"Madoka," Homura said while holding back tears, "nothing makes sense anymore. How can we live like this?"

Madoka was still being hugged tightly, so she only made wheezing noises.

"Sorry." Homura let her go.

"It's okay, Homura," Madoka replied. "as long as we have each other, and we always will."

Homura smiled. "Always?"

"Even when I'm an old woman with wrinkles?"

Madoka nodded.

"Even after the earth dries up and the sun's heat melts it?"

Madoka nodded.

"Even after the universe runs out of time and everything goes dark?"

Madoka scratched her head. "I dunno how you'd survive that, but if you do, I'd be there waiting for you."

Homura flipped her hair. "But how will you survive?"

Madoka shrugged. "Let me worry about that. Don't you remember my second wish to Kyubey?"

But Homura just twiddled her thumbs. "I forgot."

"You did? Then let me tell you. My second wish was-"

But Homura didn't hear the rest. She had fallen asleep on the floating mattress.

...

Homura woke up. She was in her classroom. Madoka and Sayaka were there, and Michael was in the teacher's desk.

"Hmm, another dream," Homura said to herself as she yawned loudly.

Michael didn't care for Homura's yawning. **"NO BREATHING!"** he shouted.

Homura held her breath, her cheeks puffed with air.

While she has holding her breath, and Michael was busy teaching, a note landed on her desk. She unfolded it to read the message.

_"Sayaka likes Kyosuke, pass it on."_

Homura rolled her eyes, but she kept reading.

_"PS: It's me, Madoka. I was trying to tell you about my second wish, but you fell asleep before I could say it. Now you can read it whenever you're awake. My second wish was-"_

But Homura couldn't read the rest of the note. The words were pixellated, like someone was trying to censor them. Why was someone censoring words? Were they inappropriate for a general audience? Homura was so frustrated she wasn't old enough to read the full message. She tore up the note and ate the pieces, but that didn't help at all.

"Hey, you were supposed to pass it on!" said Madoka.

The school bell rang, and it was time for recess. When the class was dismissed, Homura ducked into the bathroom to call Kyoko.

"Kyoko, I need to ask you something."

"Well, I'm a little busy, so it'd better be important." Kyoko was in the arcade, playing Street Fighter. She was one round away from beating Akuma without losing any health.

"What do you remember about witches?" Homura asked.

Kyoko thought for a second, while chewing on the donut she was eating, and mashing the buttons and joystick. "Well, I-"

"Thanks, bye." Homura hung up, and she checked the clock. Recess lasted for another 20 minutes. If she slowed time, she could make it to Madoka's house and back with time to spare.

On her way there, Homura saw Mr. Vacan looking over a bridge, the same bridge where he had met Mami, Sayaka, and Kyoko.

"Mr. Vacan?" Homura asked. "What are you doing here? And how did you figure out how to use your magical boy powers?"

Mr. Vacan leaned over the bridge's railing. "I was just thinking about when I first came here... This time, not the time from 5 years ago. My briefcase fell in this lake by accident, and it's probably long gone by now. Once something falls in a lake, it's not coming back... unless you have scuba gear or you drain the lake, but that would never happen."

His words seemed to inspire Homura. If there was only one way to escape the witch's barrier, then she had no other choice. She flipped her hair to begin a dramatic speech.

"Mr. Vacan," she posited, "can you do something for me?"

Mr. Vacan responded by doing the dab pose, and a spotlight shined down on him while he did it.

"Something useful, I mean," Homura clarified, looking slightly irritated.

"What is it?" Mr. Vacan asked.

Homura pulled the soul gem - otherwise known as the gumball - from her magical ring, and explained. "If something happens to me, promise you will make sure nothing bad happens to Madoka, okay?"

Mr. Vacan nodded. "Of course! It's my job, Junko Kaname is transferring $400 a day to my account right now... at least, that's what she told me."

"Thank you," Homura said. With one last hair flip, she threw her gem into the lake, where it sank.

A ! appeared above Mr. Vacan's head. If a magical girl, or boy, is too far from her, or his, gumball, she, or he, goes unconscious.

But Homura didn't. She was still as alive and aloof as ever.

"Just as I had dreaded," Homura said.

"The real witch, was inside me all along."

Suddenly, the bridge, the lake, Mr. Vacan, and the world began to collapse like dry sand, leaving behind only a blank white void.


	10. What Have You Done To Me?

**Chapter 10: What Have You Done To Me?**

Homura was stuck in the void, encased in a glass box and wearing a plain black dress. Her gumball was outside of the box, beyond her reach, and she couldn't transform or use any of her weapons.

And Kyubey came to her, floating inside a soap bubble. He was munching on a carrot.

"Ehhh, what's up, doc?"

Homura growled like a bear, but Kyubey just giggled. "Well Homura, how do you like my personal pocket dimension? I gave it that new-dimension scent."

Homura banged her fists on the box. "Kyubey, the Smelly Poo-Faced Incubator! What have you done to me?!"

But Kyubey just smugly strutted in place, inside his bubble. "You brought this on yourself, Homura. Why didn't you just accept the fake world you created for yourself? You had food, a place to live, and all your friends were there too, even Mr. Vacan and Madoka."

Homura was much too furious to flip her hair at the moment. "I couldn't live in a world based on lies. That's not how it works around here."

Kyubey floated around Homura's box, circling around her. "Well, now that you've woken up from your little dream, I suppose you want some answers. Alright, take notes because this is gonna be long... if I could, I'd give you a pen and paper, but nothing can get in or out of that box. Maybe you could fog the glass with your breath and write notes on it."

Kyubey reflected his image a million times like a kaleidoscope; a sphere of Kyubey reflections in bubbles were surrounding Homura, all looking and laughing at her.

"Anyway, you and your friends defeated Walpurgisnacht - gesundheit - but the thing is, that was supposed to be physically impossible, like trying to create and destroy energy, or getting your toast to not land butter side-down when it falls."

He created a screen in mid-air, like he was doing a Powerpoint presentation. It showed Walpurgisnacht being defeated, and Mr. Vacan dancing in victory.

"Yet, you still managed it somehow. And when you messed with the natural order, it slowly started to tear the fabric of reality at the seams. It threatened to put an end to life, the universe and everything as we know it. So Madoka begged me for another wish, and I accepted, because without the universe, there would be no Incubators."

The next slide played; it was Madoka on her knees, pleading in front of Kyubey, while the scenery in the background was warping in an odd way.

"She wished to erase witches from all points in time, past and future. And it was entirely possible, due to your actions in the timelines you kept resetting. Seriously, if this was Animal Crossing, Mr. Resetti would freak out."

On the screen, Madoka glowed white, and vanished into the sky as she made her wish.

"And that was that, all the holes in reality were plugged up with the power of magic. No more witches, no more paradoxes about witches. And that allowed Sayaka, Mami, and Kyoko to come back to life, even when you saw them die. The only problem was that in the new reality, when magical girls expired, they didn't become witches anymore. They were inducted into the Law of Cycles, which is a fancy way of saying 'magical girl heaven' if you wanna be general about it. Madoka sacrificed herself to introduce this Law of Cycles into the universe. I hope you're taking notes, Homura, I might quiz you on this in a bit."

Next, Kyubey showed Homura a slide of the sun, as seen from space.

"As you might remember if you read 'I'm the Magicest,' Incubators make contracts with magical girls to keep the sun from becoming a red giant, destroying Earth, where our base is located. Madoka said it made no sense, and I told her it was magic, that was pretty funny. But the truth is that the energy that comes from magical girls fighting witches is eventually transferred to the sun's core via osmosis. Isn't science fascinating?"

The next slide was the one of Kyubey taking a selfie with Mr. Vacan, the same one from before with Blingee glitter. Kyubey panicked when he saw that slide.

"...Whoops, that wasn't meant to be in my presentation. Sorry, ignore that."

Kyubey skipped to the next slide, showing a spooky skeleton in a robe.

"Madoka's wish caused wraiths to take the place of witches."

Kyubey took a sharpie pen and drew a big red X on the wraith.

"But the energy that comes from fighting wraiths is pitiful and not nearly as efficient as fighting witches. All the Incubators were really disappointed in me for allowing this to happen. But I saw my chance to redeem myself, when I noticed that without Madoka, you were slowly sinking deeper into despair. So I trapped you in this pocket dimension, so I could harness the power of your despair. And so you wouldn't get lonely, I threw in your friends - and Mr. Vacan too, because he's fun to watch. As for my old pal Mike... well, I owed him a favor, and now he's my boss. It's just a title though, I'm still the brains of my operation,=."

A second soap bubble floated by, containing Michael Rosen.

"Good morning," he waved to Kyubey, and his face looked 2% less wrinkly than before.

"Hey, Mike. I see you finally got the Botox I ordered online for you," Kyubey remarked.

"So how's your little project coming along?" Michael asked.

"It's fine, just giving Homura the business." Kyubey replied with a smile.

"Right, cheerio then." Michael was satisfied and floated away until Homura couldn't see him anymore.

Kyubey clapped his paws to change the slide, and it showed Mami, Bebe, Kyoko, and Sayaka having tea.

"The despair you felt manifested in your gumball, turning it into the witch's barrier that holds your friends. You haven't fully turned into a witch yet, thanks to the pocket dimension suppressing your despair. Eventually, the Law of Cycles found you here, but it could only take the form of Madoka Kaname, without the power she gained from her second wish. Since Madoka and the Law of Cycles are still one and the same, I hypothesized that by controlling her, we could control the Law of Cycles, and bring witches back to replace the wraiths."

That was the last slide, and the screen vanished.

"TL;DR Madoka ruined everything, and I'm trying to fix it. What do you say, you wanna help a guy out, Homura?"

Homura's eyelid twitched again. "Well, you wanna know what I think?"

She took a deep breath.

"I think **AAAAAAAGGGRRRHHHHHYOUUUUUWAAANNNFFFFFF** -" Homura screamed a hellish scream into the void, and her soul gem started shaking violently.

Kyubey kept his :3 face, even though he had no idea what was going on.

Michael was watching inside his own bubble, pointing and gawking like a spectator.

Homura's soul gem turned completely black before it exploded, releasing the witch's barrier that it contained.


	11. I Have To Do Something

**Chapter 11: I Have To Do Something**

Mami and the other girls were enjoying tea and crackers when the brown stuff started to hit the fan. It was like they were living in a little snow globe, and someone kept shaking it until they dropped it on the ground and it shattered.

Suddenly, their world was changed in an instant. They found themselves in Kyubey's pocket dimension, which started to merge with the witch barrier.

The merge resulted in a half-formed Mitakihara, with chunks of the city floating in the air.

"Damn it!" Kyubey huffed. "That was a rental pocket dimension!"

Meanwhile, the girls were getting their bearings.

"What happened?" asked Mami.

Kyoko munched on some crackers while directing their attention to Homura in the glass box. She was seizing up, like a fish out of water. "Looks like Homura's finally lost it."

"I was worried this would happen, peeps," Sayaka muttered.

They watched as Homura's body started to transform. She grew too big for the box and broke out of it, but her transformation didn't stop. It was like watching a beanstalk grow, only it looked horrible, and Mami had to shield Bebe's innocent eyes.

And at last, Homura became her witch form, which looked like a tall ghostly woman with a flower for a head. The huge witch loomed over the girls, and began to summon her familiars to deal with them. These familiars looked like toy soldiers and walking teeth with cork guns.

"Looks like we've got to battle," Mami announced, and she, Sayaka, and Kyoko transformed into their magical outfits. They did a team pose when they finished.

"Hey guys, I'm here too!"

Mr. Vacan moonwalked in, carrying Madoka on his back like a backpack. "Sorry we're late, Kyosuke ended up in this strange place, but now he's safe inside a fort of bricks."

Mami looked surprised. "Mr. Vacan, you were a magical boy all along? Why didn't you help us fight before? And what's with that dress and those shoes? They don't match at all."

Bebe jumped out of Mami's arms, and she too transformed. She became a little girl with white hair, and a pink dress.

"Ta-dah! I was a magical girl all along too!" Bebe's true form was a girl named Nagisa, and she sensed that this would be the final battle.

Mami didn't mind too much. "Alright, girls... and boy. Let's go!"

So the magical team charged forth, battling the first wave of familiars. Mami shot them down with her guns, while Kyoko slashed with her spear. Sayaka stabbed them with her sword, and Mr. Vacan cleaned them up with his toothbrushes. Nagisa attacked with a trumpet that blasted sonic booms, and Madoka fired a rain of magical arrows down.

"Hey Madoka," Kyubey called out to her, he was still floating in a bubble. "Have your memories of being the Law of Cycles returned?"

Madoka jumped in surprise, and her head got stuck inside Kyubey's bubble. "Kyubey!? You can talk after all! Mr. Bacon was right!"

Kyubey brushed his tail against Madoka's nose, making her sneeze.

"You can try to defeat Homura, but I think you will fail."

"I'll show you!" Madoka defied Kyubey, and bit into the soap bubble, popping it. She was free, and Kyubey fell down. She returned to the fray, and kept fighting the familiars.

Kyubey whistled, and Michael came to him, inside his bubble. Kyubey jumped inside, and he and Michael watched the battle.

"So the world seems to be ending, innit," Michael mused. "My only regret is that I spent too much time watching the telly."

And so the fighting continued. It was an exhausting battle, but with everyone's help, soon all the familiars had been slain. All that remained was Homura.

Mr. Vacan and the girls all attacked at once, aiming for any spot they could hit.

However, none of their attacks seemed to have any effect on her. They just phased through like the witch was made of fog.

"No good," Mr. Vacan griped. "How is she avoiding our attacks?"

"Maybe we need to try harder!" Nagisa suggested. She trumpeted, blowing more sonic booms at Homura, but it still didn't work.

Witch Homura's arm reached out and grabbed Madoka, and gripped tightly so she couldn't move. The flower on her head morphed into a pair of lips, and she dropped Madoka inside, swallowing her!

"Madoka!" The girls all shouted.

"I have to do something!" Nagisa exclaimed. Without a second to spare, she went ahead, and picked up Mr. Vacan while jumping up to the pair of lips, and threw him inside.

"Slam dunk!" she cheered.

Mr. Vacan and Madoka tumbled down the twisted esophagus of the witch, into a dark and scary realm.

The other girls stared in shock. Throwing Mr. Vacan into Homura's mouth didn't seem to help at all. Mami and Kyoko were surprised.

"Why'd you feed Mr. Vacan to the witch?" Kyoko asked, while eating a cookie shaped like Mr. Vacan. It was baked by Mr. Vacan himself.

"I thought Madoka would fight harder if someone was there with her," Nagisa explained. "And I picked Mr. Vacan because... I thought he needed the lesson in humility."

"Fair enough," Mami noted, "but Bebe, you need to be careful. Now that you're not a cute doll anymore, you can't float."

"Stop talking!" Kyubey shouted from inside his bubble. "We came here to see some action!"

But Nagisa tooted into her trumpet, and blew the bubble away.

"Seeya later, Incubator!"

Witch Homura didn't stay still for much longer. She could use Madoka and Mr. Vacan's powers while they were trapped in her, and her arms transformed into big toothbrushes with molten pink toothpaste on the bristles.

The girls dodged the first swing, but the toothpaste splattered when it hit the ground, sending boiling blobs of toothpaste flying. Since they couldn't attack Homura, they had to keep dodging, even though it was very tiring, and they couldn't step on the boiling toothpaste.

Still, they hoped Madoka would make a comeback. She always did.

As for Mr. Vacan, they thought he would be okay too. After all, Madoka was with him.


	12. Homura, It's Time

**Chapter 12: Homura, It's Time**

As Mr. Vacan and Madoka descended into the witch's body, they found themselves sliding down a tunnel, it was like a scary water slide without any water. When the tunnel ended, they saw that they had landed in a mysterious forest.

The grass, trees and sky were all shades of purple, Homura's favorite color.

"Mr. Bacon, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Madoka pondered.

"Is this world still part of witch Homura?" Mr. Vacan asked. He knew that he or Madoka couldn't properly answer, but he liked the way his voice echoed in this place.

Suddenly a flower with violet petals sprouted from the grass. It had a smiling face in the center.

"Hiya, pals," said the flower. "I'm Violet! I see that you're new here! Why don't I show you around?"

"How will you do that?" asked Mr. Vacan. "You're a flower, you can't move."

Violet wiggled his leaves. "But I know all the best **roots** in this area! Get it, because I'm a fl- **AAAGGHH!** "

Madoka had picked Violet from the ground. tearing his stem apart like it was a human spine.

"Loves me, loves me not, loves me, loves me not..." Madoka plucked off his petals one at a time, completely oblivious to him screaming in pain.

"Loves me, squeee!" Madoka said as she pulled the last petal. By that time, Violet had wilted and he couldn't even move or speak.

"I think he's dead," Mr. Vacan explained. "But let's keep looking, maybe we can figure out what's going on."

So they kept walking in the forest for what felt like hours, being wary of any hostile characters or talking flowers. This went on until they came across a cart in rails, like in the amusement parks. The tracks seemed to lead into a black portal, so they got in the cart and buckled up.

The cart shot off at light speed, pushing Mr. Vacan and Madoka back until their faces rippled with g-forces. When it drove into the portal, they were transported to a space containing hundreds of screens floating around, each one showing a memory that Homura remembered.

They saw every timeline she went through, every reset she did, every first meeting she had with Madoka and everyone else, every time Kyubey said something mean to her, and every other experience she went through.

Of course, they could not help but comment on some of the crazier things they saw.

"Does my face always look that chubby?"

"Look, Kyubey's doing the thing! The :3 face!"

"I remember this! That was when we fought Charlotte."

"Huh, Homura looks good with an afro."

"I'm glad Homura liked my Vacan and eggs."

"Oh no, Homura's trapdoor failed. Now Walpurgisnacht will win for sure."

"...So that's why she didn't laugh at my chicken joke."

The ride ended after a few hours of seeing Homura's memories, and the exit led to a white door with a sign on it. "NO INCUBATORS ALLOWED"

"Wait a moment," Mr. Vacan advised, and Madoka's hand stopped just a few inches short of touching the doorknob.

"What is it?," she asked.

Mr. Vacan ran off for a few seconds, and when he came back, he had a photo of Madoka and himself that was taken during the ride. They were both screaming in surprise.

"That was worth the $20. Okay, let's go now."

They opened the white door, and they found themselves inside a small office room with a desk and swivel chair.

"You finally came for me, Madoka." The chair swiveled around to reveal Homura sitting in it.

"Also me... for some reason," Mr. Vacan added. "By the way, there was a flower in the forest, called Violet, but he's dead now. Just thought you should know."

"I had to be there for you, Homura. I promised to end the suffering of all magical girls, and maybe boys. That includes you." Madoka smiled and held out her hand, and Homura took it.

"So you remember now that you were the Law of Cycles?" Homura asked.

"Sayaka and Nagisa kept those memories locked safely while we were in the fake world," Madoka explained. "When you turned into a witch, they returned the memories back to me, so I could save you."

"What's the Law of Cycles?" asked Mr. Vacan.

A mortar-board hat and nerd glasses appeared on Madoka's head as she explained. "Basically, I'm the deity that takes magical girls to heaven when their time comes."

Homura nodded in agreement.

"And now the time has come for Homura."

Madoka and Homura hugged, and they started to glow. Homura's witch form was dissolving as the other girls watched, and the ruined Mitakihara changed into a field of flowers.

Madoka, Sayaka, and Nagisa were gone, and Homura was lying in an open casket, her soul gem had gone blank and was now resting on her chest.

"I guess it's over," Mr. Vacan said, feeling sad.

"Yup," Mami affirmed, as they watched over Homura's unmoving body.

"I'll miss her," Kyoko lamented, "she knew the recipe for unlimited pocky..."

The clouds in the sky parted, and a beam of light came down to meet Homura.

Madoka appeared from the light, wearing a long, flowing white dress. She glowed with divinity, and floated down to Homura's body.

"Homura, it's time."

She reached out to take Homura back into the Law of Cycles.

But something was wrong.

Homura suddenly woke up from death, and grabbed Madoka's wrists.

"Yes, it is time. It's time for you to have a bad time."

Holding on to Madoka, Homura channeled Madoka's godly energy into her body. She began to steal her infinite power.


	13. And Now, We Will Be Forever

**Chapter 13: And Now, We Will Be Forever**

"Homura, what are you doing to me?!" Madoka screamed as she was being drained of power.

Homura's eyes started to glow, and her soul gem was filling with different colors. "You said that once I fall into the Law of Cycles, we could be together for eternity, Madoka. Well, that just isn't good enough for me. Once I take your power, I'm going to make it so that we **are** eternity."

Madoka struggled in vain to free herself of Homura's hold. "I never said that. Stop making things up!"

"But you implied it," Homura corrected. Her soul gem glowed in all the colors of the rainbow, as well as some colors that did not exist until now.

Mami tried to separate Madoka and Homura, but she couldn't. Homura laughed grimly. "Don't bother trying to interrupt us. Our power is far too great for any mortal."

Homura quickly stole the last of Madoka's power, and she returned to her normal dress. Homura hugged Madoka without letting go, and they were surrounded in purple flames .

"And now, we will be forever."

Homura's gumball glowed with its impossible colors, and the light shined so bright, it engulfed everything.

And that was it. The universe began to reset to nothing.

Homura saw herself floating in a rainbow space, and she seemed to exist everywhere and nowhere at once. The power of omnipotence was almost too much for her human-based mind to comprehend. But it was a small price to pay for her master plan.

But before she could act, Kyubey appeared in the soap bubble with Michael, who was sleeping.

"Homura Akemi, you corrupted the universe just so you could be with Madoka. How selfish of you."

"It doesn't matter," Homura answered. "I am in control now, and all shall obey my will. Including that girl in class who made fun of my hair... but especially you!"

She separated Kyubey from the bubble, and levitated him all over the place, slamming him again and again against walls that formed from nothing.

"What has science done?..." Kyubey wondered, as the life was being beaten out of him.

"Don't worry," Homura assured him, "I just want you to suffer a little, after you spent so many timelines trolling me, calling me names, and eating my snacks, all with that smug :3 smile on your face. I won't kill you, I still need your powers in my new universe, after all..."

Homura began an evil laugh that boomed everywhere, until she was interrupted.

"Homura!"

Mr. Vacan was floating in Homura's rainbow space, riding a giant toothbrush like a surfboard.

"Mr. Vacan?! You're not supposed to be here! Begone from my private space!"

Homura launched a meteor made of stars at Mr. Vacan, but he just cut it to pieces with his toothbrush.

Mr. Vacan didn't want to fight back. "I can't get out. One: I don't know where the exit is. And two: When you and Madoka hugged in your witch office, you were glowing, and some of the energy of the Law of Cycles leaked into me as well. I don't have infinite power like you or Madoka did, but I think I might have achieved immortality."

"Immortality?" Homura was worried. She couldn't kill an immortal being even if she wanted.

"Yeah, immortality. I can't die, no matter what happens. Looks like I'm stuck as a magical boy forever. You have any games we can play for the next million billion quintillion or so years? It might get boring floating around here."

But Homura didn't plan that. "How does this sound? I will create a new universe for you and everyone else to live in. If you promise to leave me be, then I can grant you anything you desire. Absolutely anything."

Mr. Vacan thought about it, and nodded. "Alright, I know what I want. I'm not sure if it can be done, but I hope you can try for me."

He told Homura what he wanted, and she kept it in mind when the world began to form anew.

After everything was fully restored, Homura returned to the physical world as she knew it, the Japanese town of Mitakihara, and she flipped her hair. Being an omnipotent presence was nice, but it was better when you had a human body with actual hair.

She walked to school, just like normal. She saw Mami and Kyoko walking to school, sharing a wheel of cheese. It was Gouda, a very good-a kind of cheese.

Homura was relieved that she could recreate them, and everyone else, just as she remembered, even though she didn't know a lot about Mami and Kyoko.

Suddenly, a hand touched her shoulder. She turned around, and a hand flew out to slap her face.

"Homura, you meanie-bo-beanie." Sayaka was looking annoyed, and Nagisa was right next to her, also looking annoyed. "We were enjoying being part of the Law of Cycles, but you just had to re-write the universe to suit yourself."

Homura was a little upset about being slapped, but she resisted the urge to remove Sayaka from existence. It wouldn't be hard; it would just take a snap of the fingers, and Sayaka would be erased like someone shook an Etch-a-Sketch. "You should thank me. Now you get to live in the real world, just like before. The witches and wraiths won't bother you anymore."

Sayaka defiantly folded her arms. "No thank you for you, thank you very much. I won't forget this, and I'll avenge Madoka's loss, even if it takes me a whole month! You'll see, broheim. You'll see."

She backed away from Homura, still keeping her eyes on her. Nagisa followed soon after. "Bye-bye, meanie," she shouted. They then bumped into Hitomi and Kyosuke, and the four of them started talking about something. Homura wasn't listening, she wanted to get to school.

When the class bell rang, it was Michael Rosen who appeared as the teacher, but he was wearing a backwards cap and golden chains which hung from his neck. He held a boombox which played a rap beat, and he rapped to introduce himself.

_"I juked and jived, around the room,_

_Ba-lam-bam-boolah, ba-lam-ba-diddy-boom,_

_A-hip-hop, a-hip-hop-hap,_

_I'm giving you all the Michael Rosen Rap!"_

Then a new student walked into the room, a girl who tied her pink hair with golden ribbons. Michael kept rapping to introduce her.

_"This new student, she is named Madoka,_

_She's a good kid, not some silly joker,_

_She was in America for the past three years,_

_It was all thanks to her mother's careers!"_

Nobody liked the rap, but they were friendly to Madoka. Homura kept silent, until after class when recess began and she was able to talk to Madoka in private.

"Madoka Kaname," she asked. "Do you remember?"

Madoka tilted her head. "Remember what?"

"Remember me? Or the universe? Or about anything really?"

Madoka tried to think. "Well, America is pretty nice. They have a new flavor of Kool-Aid there that I can't find here. And I don't think I've ever met you before, but..."

Homura's eyes widened. "But?"

"But when I look at your eyes. I see something familiar. It's like I see myself in a past life, where I gave hope to people all around the world. But that life was taken from me by someone who was very selfish and just wanted to keep all that hope for themselves. Just thinking about someone that selfish makes me really angry, I could never forgive anyone who would do someone like that..."

Homura was sweating.

"But that's probably my mind just daydreaming. You seem nice, Homura. I think we can be friends!" Madoka said with a smile.

Homura hugged Madoka tightly. "Oh, Madoka D. Kaname, promise me you'll never change~"

Madoka was confused. "What?"

"Never change." Homura's eyes started to glow a scary red. "Never, ever, **ever**."

For Homura, everything was perfect. Madoka was back to normal, and as for Kyubey...

He was lying in a basement that Homura rented out, squirming in pain as wraiths were being sucked into his back pouch. Homura had made it so that Kyubey and all other Smelly Incubators were able to automatically absorb any wraiths that appeared. Homura threw away the key to the basement, and Kyubey was too weak to escape, or do much of anything.

But no matter how much he was being tortured, he kept the :3 on his face.

There was nothing Homura had to worry about ever again. And she was sure that Mr. Vacan was happy, wherever in the world he was now.

Where was Mr. Vacan? He was taking a nice vacation in Russia after Junko paid him for the week of taking care of Madoka.

He checked into the hotel he was staying at, and there was a note taped to the door of his room.

"Come outside, I have something for you." Mr. Vacan looked excited. Could it be the thing he had wanted most?

He left the hotel, and something came down from the sky.

It was Tatsuya Kaname, Madoka's little brother, who was sitting on an iceberg.

"Mither Vanac, I found the ice!" he shouted. Mr. Vacan's smile faded, he was glad Tatsuya was safe, but that wasn't what he wished for. But what if it was inside the iceberg?

Mr. Vacan needed to melt the iceberg, so he pulled out an ordinary toothbrush from his pocket, and stabbed the iceberg. It cracked into a thousand tiny ice cubes, and revealed that there was indeed something inside.

"My briefcase!" Mr. Vacan hugged his long-lost briefcase; they were together again at last.

He looked up at the heavens with a tear coming down from his face, and he said but a few simple words.

"Thank you, Homura."

**==THE END==**

 

 

 

(Also, Mr. Vacan found Dr. Welderman's pictures in his briefcase, safe and sound. He called Dr. Welderman, who lived in Orlando, Florida. Aside from having a small case of the sniffles, he was doing fine.)


End file.
